Seth snapped his laptop shut and glared out into the deep blue ocean. From his spot on the balcony, he could just barely make out the sight of the small cropping of islands that surrounded the far side of the island. He tried to pull serenity and calm from the beauty, but his mind raced with annoyance. Denver Oversight were a bunch of pansies. Especially his new manager. Chris Cornell did not appreciate field staff. Didn’t appreciate Seth. In fact, Chris was probably his least favorite manager at the company and that was stretching the truth.
Tell Chris to shove it
Seth smacked an angry palm to his head to silence the constant devil on his shoulder. He knew it wasn’t real and yet, it felt impossible to ignore. Spoke the harsh words. Cut the deepest. Convinced him every day that he was just as crazy as the doctors claimed.
Spend today in bed
Seth stood up in a swift movement, pushing his patio chair off to the side, and leaned against the balcony. The metal was solid against his torso as he breathed in the salt air. He always loved visiting the island. It was his favorite shithole. He had never managed to screw up a project here. Not like his overseas jobs. Those countries were too strict for him. He needed the loose restrictions of Caribbean life to truly succeed. With a lingering glance at the rising sun, Seth pivoted himself, threw his laptop onto the bed, and marched into the tiny but luxurious bathroom. He needed to shower soon if he was going to make it on site in an hour.
No one would care if you don’t show up
He tried to ignore the voices in his head as he finished getting ready. It was hard. If he was being honest with himself, which he usually wasn’t, it was always hard. But he managed to ignore them long enough to get into jeans and a plain white shirt. Taking one last look at his appearance, Seth admitted that with his sun-kissed skin – he played the part of day laborer well. He would blend in well. At least he wouldn’t be caught on his first day on the job.
Seth hated being caught. Being caught led to a lot of complications. Not just with getting the job done, but with the company. The company hated to clean up loose ends. After his last overseas job, he didn’t think they would stand for another ‘mistake’. He was already on thin ice. That’s why they put Chris in charge of him. They never said it but he knew. Chris had a reputation of correcting people like Seth.
You could use some correcting
“I don’t need correcting,” he reminded the voice in his head before heading out of the creepy hotel and into the damp morning. He sucked in the warm air gratefully. A small smile creeped on his face as he walked the mile out to where the staff made him park his vehicle. He let it loosen his tight muscles and clear his thoughts. Without passing another car or person, it was easy for Seth to fall into his usual rhythm. At least no one was around to hear him singing to himself. He didn’t need another person to laugh at him.
He plugged his phone into the jeep and turned the volume up as high as he could tolerate. When his watched beeped at him to remind him he was hurting his hearing, he dropped it a few notches. He was already going crazy – he didn’t need to lose his hearing, too.
Not like you listen to anyone anyway
Vibrant Italian pop blared through the speakers, washing away the voice, and Seth let his head bop along. It wasn’t long before he was merging on the main roads, windows rolled down to enjoy the gorgeous morning. They were packed with rotted out sedans all heading in the same direction – anywhere but this rundown town. He couldn’t complain, drivers down here – no matter how many there were – all moved like water snakes. Slithering their way down the two lanes so fast they could. Most of the time, he could barely keep up.
It didn’t take long for him to make it to his favorite sandwich stop. The drive thru was packed so he pulled into a spot and went to order at the register. A gangly teenage girl leaned across the counter. He didn’t recognize her and he sighed. Where was the old lady? She knew his order.
Go ahead. Butcher her language. See how it goes.
Seth ignored his inner voice and did his best. “Café con hielo?”
“Azuga?” Seth’s eyes widened. He’d never been asked a question before. He stared at her for a moment, trying to process. What was azuga? Did she mean sugar? Crap.
“Si,” he blurted out before handing her his company card. She inspected it, eying the weird earth symbol in the corner, before grumbling a curse he recognized and swiping it.
You ordered ice coffee with sugar – didn’t you? You know what sugar does to your head.
“It’ll be ready for you soon,” she smiled at him as she brushed him aside. As he made his way over to the pickup counter, he heard her cackle with the boy running the coffee machine with flame red hair.
Their making fun of you
“You don’t know that,” he whispered to himself. The girl peeked at him curiously and he stared at the container of straws in front of him pretending he hadn’t said anything. Why could he never keep his mouth shut? When his order was ready, he grab his coffee and practically ran out of the building. His face turned the deep red of embarrassment as he juggled his drink and keys. He just needed to get into his car and on the road again. He needed to stop feeling their eyes on him. Stop hearing their laughter echoing in the empty store.
He dropped his drink in the cup holder and flipped the music back on. It roared to life, overpowering the engine, and settling his nerves. Music always helped. Music was all he had out here. Seth reached into his vest pocket and pulled out two small pills. He washed them down with his iced coffee. The overly sweet drink made him cringe. He did tell them to put sugar in it. He felt everything settle in his stomach with a sharp pain and he turned his thoughts to the beat. He let it wash over him like the waves he was passing as he cross the bridge to the site.
You know those don’t work. You don’t work.
He raked his hand through his hair. Of course they didn’t work. Nothing worked. Nothing shut up his thoughts or lessened the burden of who he was. All it did was numb it temporarily. Enough for him to get the job done, hopefully.
Seth turned into the parking lot and surveyed the row of jeeps and pickup trucks surrounded the small tin can they called a trailer. Each one had its own branding of ‘rugged outdoorsmen’. Streaks of mud or fine layers of dirt. He nodded at each of them, ticking off how many men he’d have to deal with that day, as he brought his jeep to the other side of the parking lot. He pulled it into an empty patch of concrete and looked out past the rolling hill separating him from the ocean.
Ready for another day in hell?
Seth heaved a sigh before sliding on his work boots and dropping from the jeep. He only needed thirty minutes before the voice shut up. At least for a little while. He just needed it to shut up and let him do his stupid job.
A tall man wearing dark jeans and a bright yellow vest stood outside his door. He leaned leisurely against the blue truck beside his. “Buen Dia Seth.”
“Morning Chuck. Didn’t expect to see you here.” Seth sidestepped his coworker and pulled open the back door to grab his bag.
“Oversight didn’t want you to do this one alone. Not after last time.”
Seth bristled but plastered a smile on his face before spinning around to look at Chuck’s smug face. “Oversight doesn’t know what really happened out there. I don’t need you here.”
“Just like you don’t need those little pills I know you took.” Seth clenched his feet. How dare he? That was none of his business. “Don’t worry bud. I’ll make sure you don’t lose your marbles.”
“This is why I don’t tell people…” he grumbled, walking away from Chuck’s smirk.
See? It’s not just Chris who thinks you need a readjustment.
“I don’t need a readjustment.”
“What was that?” Chuck called from behind. “Talking to yourself again Seth?”
“Shut up Chuck. Just shut up. We don’t need to talk to get the job done.” Seth reached for the door to the trailer and blew out a breath. “You tell oversight this went anything less than perfect and I swear – I’ll tell them what you did overseas. I’ll let you take the heat you burned me with.”
“Oh come on Sethy. You wouldn’t. Besides, I’m just joking. Come on!”
Seth didn’t answer. He opened the door and entered the small airconditioned room. His sunglasses fogged and he pulled them over his head as he greeted the group of guys huddled around the coffee maker. Just another day in Bipolar paradise, Seth thought angrily as he plopped down into a metal chair.
“How’s your morning been?” one of the subcontractors asked, offering up a cup of coffee.
Seth smiled up at him and took it gratefully. Anything to get that sugary taste out of his mouth. “Just another day in paradise.”
The group laughed, their bellies jiggling.
Laughing at you again.
Not for the first time that morning he wonder if the voice in his head knew more than he did.
J.C. Warren 